maybe this is ok

school has hit that point where it feels impossible to keep up, but somehow i manage to pull off those last-minute essays and do decently well on the tests over books i just skimmed through. what school really teaches you is how to manufacture really good sounding bullshit. nah, that's not entirely true, i've learned some cool stuff in school... but that's a post for a different time.

i've actually been doing a lot of research and reading on my own. I don't actually have the time for it and i should be spending that time on school work, but i love learning about things that i'm actually interested in. Wikipedia is the greatest thing that has happened in my lifetime. I can spend many hours on there and not get tired of it. You can learn anything, and I would venture a guess that most of it is going to be accurate (they have a lot stricter rules for posting stuff than they used to). Most recently I read an article about this man:


His name is Danger Mouse and he's an incredibly interesting person. I give him mad props for everything he's accomplished and his attitude toward it all. go look him up on Wikipedia if you so desire.

also, now that the Tiger Cub album is completed i'm thinking of releasing a solo EP. I have 3 songs so far and I'll probably try and write one more. They are going to be more intense and guitar-driven compared to Tiger Cub songs, but hopefully you'll like them. I'll put it up on here for download when i finish it... which i'm hoping will happen by the end of October.

this turned into a pretty long post. those of you who read it, thanks for keeping up on my life and make sure to tell me if you have a blog because i like to read other peoples' thought too. or we can just get together and chat sometime... haha.

Sincerely,
Siberian

brick to the head

"No guilt in life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From life’s first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny
No power of hell, no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand
‘til He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I’ll stand"

no matter how pissed i am at God this song will bring me back to Him every time. so damn powerful...

...well, as long as it's not the Newsboys version.

Sincerely,
Siberian

my heart

my heart has tunnel vision.

music = therapy?

now that the recording process is done, we have a few really awesome shows coming up and i'm stoked for them. but i've also been thinking (perhaps overthinking) whether music, to the extent i am involved in it, is a good thing or not. here's my deal:

--I use music to help me forget problems. This is nice for a while, but i think that it also hinders me from actually dealing with the problems.
--Music is the best expression of who i am. come to a Tiger Cub show and watch us play... you can't truly understand any of us until you've done that.
--I write songs (not any that anyone has every heard) about exactly how i feel about something. this is good for me to let out these feelings, but i also have a hard time letting my mind be changed about something once it's in song form. if i write something in a song then i sing it over and over until i can play it from memory, and that means the words are embedded in me. some of the words and ideas i've written aren't the best things to have going around in my head all the time. i guess it's a reminder of how things were/are... but that can be a painful reminder and non necessarily a good way of dealing with it.
--I play music so much that i am crazy behind in school. not good.
--Music is what i want to do for the rest of my life. it really is a lot of work to play music and it takes a lot of patience and practice, i think it's as legit as any other job out there. It's also difficult because music is so personal that it can be very emotionally straining.
--Music is my favorite form of art.

yeah, there are a lot of pros and cons there. i think the biggest deal right now is that i need to push music back just a little and work on school. that's really hard for me. i have to put a lot of effort into limiting my music intake/writing and transferring it to scholastic endeavors. and as for whether music helps or hinders me in getting over things emotionally... i'm still not sure. i think that's something i'm just going to have to live and learn a bit more. some days it feels like it's the cure, and others it feels like it's tearing my heart open.

Sincerely,
Siberian

in the slow lane

school started to pick up recently. then it started to run. now it's sprinting. i'm the dude on the far outside lane just watching as everyone else crosses the finish ahead of me. it's a bummer feeling.

now that the album is done i'm going to try and get caught up on school. i have to make some sacrifices to do what i love, i just wish one of those sacrifices wasn't school. maybe i'm just really bad at time management... speaking of which i really need a planner. i keep on forgetting to do assignments. not helpful.

at the moment i'm working on album and CD artwork. i'm supposed to have everything sent off for duplication by tomorrow so we can get it back in time for Muncie Music Fest. i'm doin' my best. i also have a paper proposal and a bunch of reading due tomorrow. life at it's finest.

Sincerely,

Siberian

grace

last night i sat with three of my close friends and talked about grace in life and/or grace in death... one of the more interesting and intriguing conversations i've been a part of in a long time. the way God works is such a mystery. we talked for hours and i don't really think that i came to any great revelation, but the time spent talking about God with my friends was enough to get my mind in the right place and really appreciate who God is and how he extends his grace to me. totally rad.

Sincerely,
Siberian

recording

recording is going swimmingly. it's an even longer process than i remembered, but this album is going to change my life.... not in the we're going to get famous way or anything, but i feel that i'm learning so much about myself and my two closest friends. i think it's giving us an identity and we didn't even know we had. sounds deep for a bunch of silly music eh? but i think you'll understand when you hear.

a couple demos will be online in about a week and the album drops mid to late October.

time to sleep, wake up, record all day.

Sincerely,
Siberian

my computer may be a bitch, but it's my bitch

i started work on clean installing a new operating system on my laptop yesterday after classes (around 4ish). i told myself i wasn't allowed to sleep until i had absolutely everything working perfectly (all drivers, recording interface, recording software, etc). i went to sleep at 6 a.m. you put up a good fight laptop, but you cannot best me.

after the battle, i passed out on the couch. i slept through my 9 a.m. class (oh darn, i missed watching Motorcycle Diaries. yup, you still watch movies in college). i woke up around noon today. as i headed up to take a shower i ran my fingers through my hair and discovered a leaf. yup, definitely time for a shower.

Sincerely,
Siberian

computers are bitches

it's true. they suck. but for some reason i have spent over 12 hours of the last 3 days of my life working to fix computer issues.... and i'm going to keep working on it 'til i whip this bitch into shape. gloves are off baby.

also, i'd like to say thanks to the rest of the people i've talked to about the "unbearable" post. i've found that what helps me get over things is having people to relate to. a lot of people just lecture me and smack me upside the head with some "get your shit together" type of talk, but that honestly doesn't help much. i can try and pull it together on my own but it's not going to work. but if others are willing to open up and tell me what they have gone through and/or are still going through, that's way more powerful. i guess the whole idea that everyone is vulnerable is kind of comforting in a strange way. ya dig?

Sincerely,
Siberian

2 years later...

it's been 2 years since my last post on this blog, but i'm bringing it back. it's fun to look back on this blog read what my summer of 2007 was like and see how nice and simple life seemed back then. things are different now; some good, some bad, but definitely a lot less simple and carefree. i am not saying that it's necessarily a bad thing. complexities are part of life and they help us all become individuals. i just feel as if the entire last year of my life has been very emotionally intense and complex. you, the reader, will learn more about these things as more post start to arrive. I will try and update at least 3 times a week. I think i almost need to to keep myself sane (hence the reason of starting this blog again).

so hello blogoshpere... i am here, once again, to express my thoughts to whomever may find it intriguing.

sincerely,
Siberian